mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
