what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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