I can feel you judging me through the phone.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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