Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
