In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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