my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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