I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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