sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
