Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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