I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
