Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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