Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
