Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
