Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
