After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
