I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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