I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize