whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I didn't shave. On purpose
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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