If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
