She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
