in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
