Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
PANTIES FOUND
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
