Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
