okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
