broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
