i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
