How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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