I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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