oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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