If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
