There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
