I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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