I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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