he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
