hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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