I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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