It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
It's like God shit irony all over that family
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
