Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
