i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
