looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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