I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
