The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
