Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
