Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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