I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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