literally had 100 drinks last night.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
