I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
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