apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
