dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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