I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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