I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
