And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize