Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I have fence marks all over my body
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
