If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
and you fell through a lawn chair
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
