sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
