I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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