Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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