The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
