okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
