I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
