No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
