Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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