Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
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