I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
