i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
The best revenge is premature balding
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
