...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
