I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
