look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Help. Why am I so naked?
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