Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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