I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize