I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
