I hate all girls vehemently.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
