hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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