I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
