there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
