ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
