Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
