see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
this will be a night to untag.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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