every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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