the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
