i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
