Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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